You couldn’t make it up!
By Ian Elford
I had looked forward all year to an opportunity to re-take the roads of France for a
short break. Not having ridden for the first half of 2008 I thought somewhere familiar
and not too far would be good. Three friends and I settled on Dinan near Brittany,
where we knew a biker-friendly hotel and a few good restaurants (diet was a problem
at the time!)
To make the visit interesting and provide a couple of days riding we also researched
some places to visit and settled on the motor museum at Loheac near Rennes
(www.manoir-automobile.fr and click ‘translate’ top right) and the Breton Resistance
Museum near Malestroite (www.resistance-bretonne.com and don’t forget to
translate!) Both proved to be excellent choices. The motor museum is huge and you
should allow plenty of time to visit. It includes any number of halls all displaying
separate themes and aspects of the car and its development. It also includes bikes,
Formula 1, speed boats and rally cars and some more displays I’ve forgotten. The
museum staff were most helpful allowing us to store our gear in a warm room (it was
raining) and all this conducted whilst the museum hosted a rally-cross race on their
‘in house’ race circuit. This venue is a must for anyone interested in the IC engine
and its development, otherwise it’s eye candy for any petrol heads and far larger than
Beaulieu.
The Museum of Breton Resistance was interesting for very different reasons for it re-
tells the story of the Bretons attitude to the German invasion. It begins with the
covert fight against the initial occupation and moves to the continuing harassment
that the Bretons maintained during the war years. The latter phase being the
resistance activities and information gathering co-ordinated with London. This was
when preparations were being made for the invasion. The Bretons showed
remarkable courage in fighting a resistance war under the very noses of the German
billets and are rightfully proud of their part in perpetually harassing the enemy. The
museum is smart and ordered: it takes one via a series of tableau through the war
years and uses multi-lingual presentations. The museum also boasts an excellent
restaurant.
Our hotel is well placed in Dinan within walking distance of good restaurants, the
town and the famous river quay area. All well worthy of a visit and if anyone wants
the details, numbers, addresses etc. for a short visit then please get in touch.
But that’s not actually the point of this piece for I am about to share an
embarrassment with you! The trip included me riding a ‘new’ bike. This bike I had
acquired from a friend not long before the trip and I was unfamiliar with its foibles or
its service needs. Anyway, the afternoon before departure I was gather ‘stuff’
together like you do and having changed and checked tyres previously I casually
looked into the oil sight-glass. Eeek! No oil. I trotted off to the local motor factors
with my service book listing suitable oils only to be told the book (2001?) was woefully
out of date. After consulting my Teutonic masters I returned with an updated
alternative only to be told “Yeah, we don’t do that one”. Time is now sliding by and I
end up in a local high street tools and car parts factors, who open late. It’s 10
minutes to closing and staring at the oil rack is not making Castrol Actevo spring into
my hands! A young lady comes by and says: “Can I help you sir?” I hear myself
mumble, “I’m looking for a particular oil but you don’t seem to have it!” “Is it special?”,
she says. “No, just a mineral for bikes,” I say. “Ooh, bike oil’s over here,” she says.
What? We find a bottle with Castrol Actevo on the front and with mixed feelings,
pleased I have oil but unhappy any shelf stack manager would split oil into two
locations, I rush back to fuel the oil orifice with the liquor. It only takes a blinking third
of a litre to float the sight-glass. All is well. I move to place the oil bottle on the
garage shelf. In the gloom, cos’ it’s now half dark, I notice the reverse of the bottle
says 2T. Cold grips my heart - I’ve put 2-stroke oil in my 4-stroke bike! Several
phone calls take place and experts in matters of molecular lubrication are consulted.
Opinions differ. However, my dilemma is repaired by an expert in crisis management.
Whilst sitting with my head in my hands, close to tears, my wife says, “Don’t worry
dear, it only took a drop, it won’t have any effect”. Phew, that was close, the trip’s still
on and I set the alarm for 5am.
At 6am next morning as day breaks in the lanes at Dover, the full reality of my
mistake are realised: my left boot and leg are glistening in the fast rising light!
Obviously the experts were right, the oil has emulsified, foamed and pressurised the
system to such an extent that the engine is likely to explode. I don’t care - I’m going
on my trip. Friends are sympathetic but can’t help. I join the ferry and cross to the
continent. Hoping I just overfilled the system I decide riding the bike will clear the
overfill, but during a quick stop at the entrance to the péage at Boulogne it’s clear the
problem could be significant. We gather at the bike and remove the filler cap to view
the engine innards. Will we get a clue as to how the evil mix is progressing its
foaming, caustic, corrosive work? Looks as clear as a well oiled machine to me! I
thoroughly cleaned my boots, lower leg and the machine sides. I thoroughly cleaned
the oil filler plug and replaced it. We motored on deciding to let Carol Nash sort out
the impending catastrophe as necessary.
